i should be slapped

(Now Playing: Making Love - Utada Hikaru)

HOWWWWW did I forget about Hikki for so long?  I mean, I enjoy listening to what few songs I have of hers on my iPod, but compared to freshman year I barely look like a fan anymore.  Repenting of this as we speak...

try this on for size

[Now Playing (often on repeat; is that narcissistic?): "Insanity/Black and Yellow (3Ni's Mashup)" -- iNexus vs. Wiz Khalifa]

in the spirit of reinventing myself...i finally broke down and did a mashup.  and i think i did a pretty good job (minus the fact that the volume balance is off between the lyrics and the background in places...always a struggle).  i'm especially proud of the fact that it only took me a couple of hours; for some reason i kept thinking that it'd take a lot longer.

anyway, take a listen for yourself.  and comment.  and share with your closest friends, relatives, and enemies (especially your enemies haha).  pretty please??

more to come, i promise.

do me a favor

1. go to http://the-weeknd.com

2. download everything in sight (i.e. 3 mixtapes, house of balloons being the first and echoes of silence being the last)

3. prepare your ears.  they're in for a treat.

i really want to cover this song

Now Playing: "Take Care" - Drake ft. Rihanna



i'll be rihanna...who wants to be drake?  hit me up.

I Really Need to Get on This Guy's Level

Now Playing: "C'mon Talk" - Bernhoft

Eni, party of one

(Now Playing: "Ridin' Solo" -- Jason Derulo)

i've been saying for years now that i'm "ok with being single."  honestly, i don't think i believed my own words, and i'm not sure anyone around me did either.

last night, while dancing, laughing, and having fun with 4 good friends at an off-campus party, i began to realize--to actually admit to myself--that i don't need to waste energy thinking about romantic relationships.  if it's God's will, there will be a place for one in my life one day.  but it's not necessary for me to look for possibilities in every encounter, to play fantasies over and over in my mind like reruns on prime-time tv.  it's time for me to turn my focus inward, to work on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman, to live life, dance hard, sing loud, and regret nothing when the music stops.

because for the first time, riding solo feels right.

waiting for the sunrise...

(Now Playing: "Bright Morningstar" -- Tiesto)

it's finally sunken in that junior year is over.  it took a full day of packing and a great deal of distance from campus to make that happen.  as i sit here in my grandparents' house in new york, surfing the web as my mom and grandmother carry an air mattress into the living room, everything that's happened recently--exams, final projects, move-out--is beginning to feel real.

i'm looking forward to this summer.  somewhere among finishing another song, working on the AMCAS application, attempting to pick up snippets of a new language online, and considering a part-time job (and a subsequent switch from PC to Mac if the money's there), i know i have some growing to do.  senior year is slowly creeping up on the horizon, like a sunrise long-awaited but somehow slightly unsettling...and i need to be ready for both the fun times and the work that needs to be done once the new day has dawned.

Lessons from Lent 2011

(Now Playing: "Hope" -- Amp Movement)

If I hadn't decided to give up secular music for Lent this year, I never would have discovered (good) Christian rap.  I'm really being blessed by Amp Movement's music right now, and I'll probably start listening to LeCrae and others soon...

That being said, if you have any music suggestions, let me know!

the God i serve...

(Now Playing: "Serve You Only" -- Joann Rosario)

the God i serve...

He keeps revealing Himself to me at the most random times, in the most spectacular ways.

His presence is tangible, like an embrace.  i know i've said that before, but that's really the only way i can describe this feeling.  His hands, all powerful, nail-scarred...holding me close. and in the simple things that make me smile--a song on my iPod, a beautiful blue sky, a Facebook message from a dear friend--in those things, i hear Him whispering, "I love you."  over and over again, like a record gloriously and eternally broken.

and i've started to realize...just when i start to think that i'm close to Him, just when i think my love for Him is its fullest, richest, deepest, and that i'll burst if i try to love Him more...He shows me that i've barely scratched the surface.  one night last week, when i had just gotten to bed and was praying, talking to God about the day...i got the sudden urge to just...get out of bed and think about Him, praise Him, anything, everything.  i didn't act on it, and i eventually went to sleep, but the moment at which the thought entered my mind is one that i don't want to forget.

maybe i'm not coherent right now (it is 2:15, and i do have work i'm neglecting), but i just had to say something, and this just felt right.

a sweet sound...

(Now Playing: "Time after Time" -- Myron Butler & Levi)

Usually I'm not a fan of Christian/gospel remakes of secular songs, but this one is...different somehow.  I just feel Him close to me, reassuring me, comforting me, loving me unconditionally as the song keeps playing.

Dancing on the Edge

(Now Playing: "The Balcony Scene" -- Pierce the Veil)

My favorite part:

Have you ever really danced on the edge?

Is something still scaring you?

Have you ever really danced on the edge?

The count of three is up

Have you ever really danced on the edge?

All right, then tell me so

Have you ever really danced on the edge?

Just hold my hand and jump

When I first heard this song, I just thought of it as a beautiful Romeo and Juliet reference.  But the more I listen to it, the more I am sure that it can be about any of us, whether we're falling in love (or out of love) with someone, facing life after college, or even stepping into a relationship with God.

It's asking, are we ready to jump into a scary, uncertain, beautiful new beginning?  Will we stop letting our fear get in the way of the trust we need to develop, the risks we need to take, the experiences we need to have?

...do we dare disturb the universe?

Instrumental Paradox

(Now Playing: "Bright Morningstar" -- Tiesto)

I love how some musicians can sing so much meaning without using lyrics.

3Ni

wmh (Whipping My Hair)

(Now Playing: "Whip My Hair" -- Willow Smith)

I'll be honest.  When I first heard that Willow Smith came out with this song, I was skeptical.  I didn't know what would happen when I pushed play.

What happened was actually pretty amazing.  This song made me want to get up and dance.  And it made me wonder what I was doing with my life--I mean, this girl is 10 and she's already a huge hit; when I was 10 my mom was doing my hair, and I certainly wasn't whipping it back and forth afterward...I was playing with Pokemon cards and American Girl dolls.

Of course, with every new sensation, there's criticism.  Take for example this article from my school's newspaper.  The writer's rather blunt opinion is that a woman's hair is "one of the most obvious signifiers of female sexuality," and that by flaunting it in this song, Willow Smith is "introduced into the world as a sexual object, as a mini-adult."  When Smith sings "I whip it real hard" in the song, the writer of the article says, "the post-pubescent listener certainly isn't thinking about the singer's tresses."

First of all, as a post-pubescent listener, all I was thinking was that Willow was positively killing this song.  I hate that the writer of this article automatically assumed that I or any other listener would analyze (or maybe sexualize) the song or the music video like that.  I feel that this is a fun song with an underlying message of confidence and empowerment for young girls.  God knows girls her age--and shoot, my age too--need to hear that they're beautiful, that they shouldn't worry about what others think of them.  If you try to learn that later in life, it's so hard to get rid of the poison that bullies, the media, and other "haters" feed you.  Believe me, I know.

We've had quite a few examples of introduction into "mini-adulthood" in entertainment.  Take JoJo, for instance. While I love her song "Leave (Get Out)," let's be real.  She was what, 14 when this song came out?  14, and she was already singing about her boyfriend cheating on her?  That made me raise an eyebrow, definitely.  I'm not saying that things like that don't happen, but the content of the song definitely made JoJo seem older than she was.  Compared to this, a 10-year-old with tack-on nails and brightly colored clothes looks like nothing more than, well, a 10-year-old with tack-on nails and brightly colored clothes.

This song, or Willow Smith's hair for that matter, is not what makes her into a sexual object--for the most part, the listener does that.  Personally, I think she's "just tryna have fun," and I for one am not going to stop her--at least not until her curfew comes around.

Forever wmh,

>>3Ni<<

A Little Taste of Freedom

(Now Playing: "I Am Not My Hair" -- India.Arie)

earlier today, when it wasn't raining as furiously as it is now, i walked outside without covering my hair or using an umbrella.  only for a few minutes.  but those few minutes felt like the start of something good.

i'm sick of being bound by my hair, being the typical black girl who shies away from storms and sweat and water parks and swimming pools.  i honestly don't want that to be a part of my identity anymore.  my natural curls have too much potential to be forced into this straight, unnatural role they've been playing since i was little.

one of these days, old Press & Curl and i are going to part ways.  i'm going to hang up my rain scarf, let my hair down, and be free.

and it's going to be beautiful.

9/11

(Now Playing: "Hide and Seek" -- Imogen Heap*)

i still remember where i was when i got the news.  i was in 6th grade then, and i was getting ready for school just like any other day: eating some cereal, watching the today show...but then they started showing the footage of the second tower being hit, and i had no idea what was going on.  all i knew was it was crazy and scary and surreal, like those nightmares you can't remember the next morning, no matter how hard you try.

when i got to class, we didn't really learn anything.  we just talked about what we had seen.  there was a boy who claimed he'd get a gun and shoot osama bin laden one day.  we all thought he was an idiot then...but looking back, we were just 11, and we didn't know how to cope with something like this.

i still remember the strong and sometimes extreme since of patriotism that lingered after the ash had dissipated.  i remember the slight obsession with renaming american things that had other countries in their names.  in particular, i still kind of laugh at "freedom fries," even though they represent something that's not a laughing matter.  looking back, we were all just victims of an inexplicable act, trying to band together and pick up the pieces of collective shattered hearts and lives, and we didn't know how to cope with something like this.

since then, i've met a lot of people who were born on 9/11 of some other year.  sometimes i wonder if they still celebrated their birthdays that day, or if they even look at it the same way.

i think a lot of us just kind of forget about today.  it's something whose significance is on the tip of our tongues, but we often don't realize it until someone else brings it up.  i don't know if that means we've stopped caring.  but it's sad in any case, especially given how much we say "we shall never forget."

today should be sacred.  we shouldn't talk of burning korans or barring muslims from building a community center close to the world trade center site because it's "insensitive."  that kind of talk is what's really "insensitive," and it shows that we really have forgotten.  it's also, quite frankly, not the point of this day.  this day is one of many in which we should be praying, loving, working, helping others heal from these 9-year-old wounds.

*there's a minority of people who think "Hide and Seek" could be about 9/11, in addition to the many suggested meanings for this song (for example, the ones posted here).  i don't mind saying i belong to that minority.  in any case it's a beautifully cryptic masterpiece.*

In All My Searching

(Now Playing: "Your Love is Extravagant" -- Casting Crowns)

In all my searching...

I have found perfectly inexplicable Love.  It permeates every part of me, every piece of life itself.

I have found the ultimate Muse, whose very Presence is inspiration.  One thought causes ten thousand songs, all perfect because they bear His Name.

I have found the blessed Hope of a place better than this, where He can embrace me for eternities on end.

I have found everything I've ever wanted, and things I never knew I needed.

In all my searching...I have found a Savior.

left my fear by the side of the road...

"All I Need is You" by Hillsong United is on repeat right now.  i just kind of clicked to this song tonight because the first line popped into my head earlier.  it's really a great song; it starts out in a minor key that makes a shiver run down my spine...but that's beside the point.

anyway, this song got me thinking about some very important things.

i've been reading "Every Young Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge.  yes, the book is about sex and abstinence and all those things, but i've recently noticed that's not all it's about.

in one of the earlier chapters, Ethridge dispels myths about relationships that many girls buy into.  one such myth is that a girl needs a significant other to feel complete and happy.  Ethridge's answer to the myth is that all we truly need is God--only our Creator can complete us.

i'm not sure if i've fallen into the "i NEED a guy to be happy" trap in quite some time.  i've learned/am starting to learn that if that were a need, God would have given it to me (Philippians 4:19).

but let's be real...i could fill in the blank--"i NEED ________ to be happy"--with a lot of things.  i won't go into them here, but i know i'm not the only one who feels this way.  any one of us could pick any number of things to complete the sentence.

here's a question, though...how many times has GOD filled that blank? 

for most Christians, He probably does subconciously.  it's something like how we can recite some Bible verses with our eyes closed and in one breath--sure, we have some scripture memorized...but does it actually mean something in that moment that we recite it?  do we believe those words?  or have we just remembered them from Vacation Bible School?

as this song plays over for the umpteenth time, as the refrain--all i need is You, Lord--permeates my being...i'm starting to realize how much i've been forgetting those simple, dynamic words.

they're so much more than words.

this song is so much more than chords and instruments and lyrics....

this is a love song of commitment to God, wedding vows that His bride the church has prepared.  

this is simultaneous submission and praise.

these words...should be the anthem of our lives.