faith encounters

today in church, i was feeling detached.  we kept talking about experiencing God, asking ourselves when we last felt the presence of God…and i just felt like i was there but not there.  like i’ve been going through motions.  i kept trying to let that feeling go, to focus, but it wouldn’t leave.

until the last few minutes of service.

i loved doing jigsaw puzzles when i was little—if i had time, i’d still do them on occasion.   i used to work on them over the span of days; i would sit at the table in our family room upstairs and put together 100, 500, 1000+ piece puzzles, losing track of time, sometimes putting them together systematically—starting at the edges of the picture and working my way in—and sometimes fitting things together with no real rhyme or reason.

back when i was applying to colleges, my pastor preached a sermon entitled “Let God Put the Pieces Together.”  he gave everyone a puzzle pieces as a reminder of his point.  i made a necklace out of it and wore it to multiple pre-frosh weekends.  it was a tangible indicator of who was in control as i tried to figure out where i’d be attending school after graduation.  i think i still have it somewhere.

at the end of church today, as i was praying that i would let go and let God work out these feelings of detachment, He gave me a brief glimpse of Him, sitting at a table, fitting jigsaw pieces together…slowly, carefully.  He showed me that He is fitting me together, even when i don’t feel Him doing so, even if it seems to take Him days or weeks to finish it.  i can’t put myself together; only He can do that.  i want to rest in that image, because it’s been with me for a while, whether i was aware of it or not.