me, myself, and Christ

alone is so very warm.

i am transported to
a great place, to a wonderful
state of being where
You have always been.

serenity is all around me; i

lift my hands to receive its
invisible Presence.

here in the midst of
Your endless Glory,
i see for myself

that Your Love
surpasses any other.

Listen

you said I was the best you ever had,
that I could stand next to all those others and shine.
it was a lie.
you didn’t love me for what was inside
you gave me the time of day
so I would give you some good nights,
right?
Now I’m largely disillusioned
questioning the official definition
of true beauty
and I’m mad because
the fire you spit was toxic,
poisoning my spirit something serious,
See…
I want to ask you this:
why can’t you be different
instead of degrading the women
and hurting their feelings?
listen!
I know you’re trying to stay fly,
so why not rap about the music drive
that keeps you alive?
why is it that hip-hop equals
money, cars, and heartache?
all the girls who watch the videos
suddenly think they should be vixens.
listen!
you hold more power over some of us
than the White House and Congress.
we disregard subliminal messages
shouting your lyrics with no shame
but now that we know the truth
we have something important to say:
Wait...
stop the music,
hold the mike,
let me get this right
I won’t get a shout out
if I don’t give it up?
what?

i've been home from louisville for about a week and a half now. and part of me still can't believe i made it. the program was one heck of an experience. class each day from 9 to 5, pages of notes, a plethora of new things to learn and apply to life outside the classroom. my first taste of what medical school will probably be like a few years down the road.

but i almost messed up.

i was so caught up in wondering how much i lacked compared to others in the program, so worried that my brain couldn't retain all of the facts i had to commit to memory over the six weeks...that i almost missed out on the beauty of the experience. i am so glad i put those qualms aside. i met so many people, took so many pictures, learned so many things, made so many memories. worrying about the program would have made the 6 weeks completely unenjoyable. God allowed me to see past that uncertainty. and i must say that i'm the better for it.

just be real

(not my best, but it's real talk)

i hate it when the song that plays on the radio is not the same version as the one on the CD. i'm the type of person who likes to listen to a song so much that i can attempt to imitate every ornamentation. i like to hear the song on my iPod and then hear it in the car on the way somewhere without longing for the exact way the harmonies came together in the album version. if there's a discrepancy between versions, there's some degree of unpredictability. i'll eventually learn the notes over, but i'll always prefer one version to another instead of just enjoying the song.

let me explain.

we all have our own song, our own unique personality. let me stress that your song belongs to you, and only you. i may be able to sing your song, but my cover will be nothing compared to the original; i can appreciate you, i can even act like you, but i can't be you. so it's your song. you can do whatever you want with it, but how you choose to sing it in different capacities will not go unnoticed by others.

consider the radio to be a public outlet, where anyone you meet can hear something of your song and decide for him/herself whether he/she likes it. conversely, consider a CD or something of that nature to be a private outlet, something reserved for those who truly know and appreciate you. these people have heard you on the radio, and they know what you're about.

but if your song changes from radio to CD, if you buy into this whole "album version" thing for your close group of fans and come out with another version for the general public, there's a problem. remember, this song is your personality. it's what makes you who you are. if you have two different versions of your personality, people may not know how to respond. they knew you so well in one capacity, but now it's hard to tell if they're talking to the same person when you're all in a different venue. why is there a discrepancy between what you want everyone to see and what only your closest friends see?

i guess what i'm trying to say is..."twofacedness" is an issue that rears its ugly, chimeric head throughout our everyday lives. it's one thing to put a guard up to protect your feelings, but quite another to act so different around different individuals that no one knows who you are. when people express how they feel about your shifting personality, don't say that everyone you know acts "fake." turn your sights inward for just a second. listen to your song again. think about who you might have shut out as a result of your unpredictability.

we all are guilty of putting up facades; yes, some of us sing our songs at least a little bit differently every day. but ideally there is no difference between the album version and the hit that plays on the radio.

semi-rant about the news

Michael Jackson has passed away.

as of 6:30 or so everyone but CNN had confirmed it (which is in retrospect pretty fishy in itself).

notice though, that stations were saying he died when he was only in a coma.

circumstances in my life have told me to look before i leap. the news will do anything to get a rating, even if they have to break someone's spirit, humiliate someone on camera, or kill somebody before they actually die. they'll do anything to win your eyes. so you have to make sure that what you're seeing is reputable before you put the people who want to wait for confirmation on blast.

in closing, don't cry unless you knew him, don't make a scene, and just keep moving on...that's all i have.