Saturday, February 11, 2012

Free Agent Day

i used to "celebrate" Single Awareness Day (aka SAD).  you know, you hang out with other single friends (no couples allowed), eat fattening food, catch a chick flick or two, and talk about the people who don't know you exist but whom you can't stop crushing on anyway.  harmless, right?

wrong.  because after leaving those friends, putting the leftover mozzarella sticks in the freezer, and returning the DVDs, i never felt happy about my singleness anymore.  i felt downright lonely.  no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't shake the feeling that maybe i'd never have that someone who could buy me (white) chocolate and serenade me on Valentine's Day.  i no longer felt like celebrating; the SADness was all that was left.

last semester, i learned a lot about myself.  i started  to realize that i don't have to settle for the first guy who smiles in my direction, that i'm ________ enough (good, pretty, nice, whatever) to choose to whom i want to give my attention.  toward the end of November, i started referring to myself as a free agent.

i admit that maybe it sounds a bit silly.  but in my honest opinion, the term "single" just isn't very proactive.  it calls up images of someone sitting in her room, moping about how nobody likes her and waiting for someone to rescue her from her perpetual state of loneliness (i should know...i've been that girl).  in contrast, a "free agent" to me sounds like someone who has options, who doesn't have to be asked out to have a good time, who knows that anything is possible once she leaves her room.

so this year, instead of "celebrating" Single Awareness Day over some tortilla chips and a bootleg of Love Actually, i plan to take full advantage of Free Agent Day.  anything could happen this Tuesday.  the plan so far is to buy myself some white chocolate and listen to some music (nothing depressing either.  i have a playlist).  but of course, i'm open to any, ah...amendments, to this plan.  :)

but one thing is certain: no matter what sorts of adventures i end up having on 2/14/12, above all i will celebrate--actually celebrate--that my identity isn't found in someone else (rather, Someone Else).

embrace free agency.

Love y'all,
3Ni

Saturday, February 4, 2012

just dance

i wish i had known i was interested in hip-hop dance sooner.  i would have actually auditioned for Expressions before now instead of going there yesterday just to learn choreo and not try out.

i loved just about every minute of learning choreo.  it just felt...right...for me to be there.  i'm planning to do Company Piece so i can learn and perform with them without having to do way too much rehearsal.  thinking about not doing it leaves me feeling hollow; i think i'd regret not doing Company Piece even more than i'd regret the sleep deprivation and the late nights catching up on work.

when we were all learning choreo, some people found themselves tired after awhile.  and though i knew i could use some water and a piece of fruit (or 4), i was pumped the whole time.  and i felt like i was actually getting some of the choreo instead of looking foolish like i thought i would.

fast forward to yesterday evening, at my friend's party.  i was freestyling to just about every song..and feeling good about it.  people were asking me where i learned to dance, and i had no idea what to tell them.  honestly, it felt amazing to be the center of attention... :P

in short, "auditioning" for Expressions today may have given me the confidence i needed to be more free whenever and wherever i dance.  hope this wasn't just a one time boost in confidence, though...