Monday, June 29, 2009

just be real

(not my best, but it's real talk)

i hate it when the song that plays on the radio is not the same version as the one on the CD. i'm the type of person who likes to listen to a song so much that i can attempt to imitate every ornamentation. i like to hear the song on my iPod and then hear it in the car on the way somewhere without longing for the exact way the harmonies came together in the album version. if there's a discrepancy between versions, there's some degree of unpredictability. i'll eventually learn the notes over, but i'll always prefer one version to another instead of just enjoying the song.

let me explain.

we all have our own song, our own unique personality. let me stress that your song belongs to you, and only you. i may be able to sing your song, but my cover will be nothing compared to the original; i can appreciate you, i can even act like you, but i can't be you. so it's your song. you can do whatever you want with it, but how you choose to sing it in different capacities will not go unnoticed by others.

consider the radio to be a public outlet, where anyone you meet can hear something of your song and decide for him/herself whether he/she likes it. conversely, consider a CD or something of that nature to be a private outlet, something reserved for those who truly know and appreciate you. these people have heard you on the radio, and they know what you're about.

but if your song changes from radio to CD, if you buy into this whole "album version" thing for your close group of fans and come out with another version for the general public, there's a problem. remember, this song is your personality. it's what makes you who you are. if you have two different versions of your personality, people may not know how to respond. they knew you so well in one capacity, but now it's hard to tell if they're talking to the same person when you're all in a different venue. why is there a discrepancy between what you want everyone to see and what only your closest friends see?

i guess what i'm trying to say is..."twofacedness" is an issue that rears its ugly, chimeric head throughout our everyday lives. it's one thing to put a guard up to protect your feelings, but quite another to act so different around different individuals that no one knows who you are. when people express how they feel about your shifting personality, don't say that everyone you know acts "fake." turn your sights inward for just a second. listen to your song again. think about who you might have shut out as a result of your unpredictability.

we all are guilty of putting up facades; yes, some of us sing our songs at least a little bit differently every day. but ideally there is no difference between the album version and the hit that plays on the radio.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

semi-rant about the news

Michael Jackson has passed away.

as of 6:30 or so everyone but CNN had confirmed it (which is in retrospect pretty fishy in itself).

notice though, that stations were saying he died when he was only in a coma.

circumstances in my life have told me to look before i leap. the news will do anything to get a rating, even if they have to break someone's spirit, humiliate someone on camera, or kill somebody before they actually die. they'll do anything to win your eyes. so you have to make sure that what you're seeing is reputable before you put the people who want to wait for confirmation on blast.

in closing, don't cry unless you knew him, don't make a scene, and just keep moving on...that's all i have.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


your voice is familiar to my mind
though i haven't met you even one time
the sound tingles from my ears to my spine
like the cloud-nine feeling that came with this rhyme
everything is a perfect pitch
and every lovely lyric
makes meaning; my
soul is stirred; mixed emotions
arise as i continue to listen
your music is by far my favorite addiction
our lives are in something more beautiful than unison.

Friday, June 12, 2009

brAiN StoRM

Brain Storm (writer’s block revisited)

(in theory, ink is spilling priceless thoughts on the page)

the boundary barrier between inside
and outside is uncomfortable
reality. a wall of nothing (that
can be felt) inhibits the
transition of my this my
declaration contemplation from the

to the masses (the this
wall is made of a looking glass;
i and my words mind
see you with 20/20 clarity
but neither of us can
reach you). the words we
shatter against this

tangibility; possibility
never stood had a chance. i
know realize that
it’s only supposed to happen on my
side of things but

i still attempt to send slip send little
scraps pieces slips of poetic declaration a-
cross the border barrier
(maybe this time
they’ll reach you get there);

only scraps of
a masterpiece make
any sense.

(in theory, this will never be complete finished perfect).

mIsFiT B-side

Why are you trying to classify it? This is music for all humanity, from me. ~Utada, “Animato”

I know the answer now.

Someone told me once: the reason why I am not a part of that “beautiful whole” I mentioned before is because that life wasn’t meant for me. I’m not supposed to fit into that puzzle.

I’m supposed to be that kid who runs down the up escalator—just because she feels like it.

I am not my hair, my height, my clothes, my words, my college, or my shoe size. You try to put me together based on your faulty vision and superficial tendencies. But you can’t see inside of my soul.

I’m like Solange, not Beyonce. Mainstream is not what I strive for. You wouldn’t find my album in the Pop section. That just makes it more special, a gem waiting to reward those who are diligent enough and brave enough to look.

So don’t label me. You don’t know my genre. I am Lupe Fiasco, Daft Punk, Tye Tribbett, Utada, Panjabi MC and Buraka Som Sistema—the world’s most diverse mixtape.

You see, my name’s uncanny similarity to Ebonics is only a coincidence. I may have brown skin but my mind is colorblind. I’m fluid motion, gliding between cultures with the greatest of ease.

I answer to an Authority higher than that of humans. And if He tells me to, I don’t mind subtracting myself from you who run with the crowd. After all, mine is a difference that is not deleterious. And I’m trying to impress him, not anyone else.

At the end of the round, I am living proof that there’s more than one way to kill the game.

I hope that you come to celebrate your difference, that you realize your potential as an outlier. I refuse to say “outsider” or “outcast” because the others are outside of what makes you who you are, and because God would never cast you out.

(this is probably not my best piece, but I wanted to get it out there anyway).

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Bedtime Stories

once upon a
time, you were my
favorite dream, a story both
beautiful and brief.

in the night,
the circle of
your arms lulled
me comfortably,
and your touch
spoke safety.

the next morning
told a different tale.

separated indefinitely
from your warmth, i
have turned to
an unsatisfying sun.

time will never
turn back to retrieve
the fantasy i left behind.

i still have to hope
that waking up
was a happier
way to end.

Monday, June 1, 2009

thus begins summer 09

the thing i wanted to post (an answer to "misfit") is still currently under construction, i.e. i have a serious case of writer's block. even still, it's time to post something new.

it's the end of my first day at the Summer Medical and Dental Education Program at University of Louisville (SMDEP). and i'm really excited about the program. i'm surrounded by people who want to go into the healthcare profession, surrounded by science, surrounded by beautiful weather and beautiful smiling people.

and yet, my fears begin to kick in. this program defines a future that is not too far off: i apply for medical school in just a few years. it's no longer a hazy goal on the horizon. it's getting closer to me.

i've always been a little bit scared of what will happen next. you could say that i don't want to turn the page and start the next chapter of this book that is my life. this chapter features a level of independence that i have yet to reach, talk of money that i've yet to obtain, newness that i can't yet wrap my brain around.

with that in mind (or, in spite of having all that in mind), i guess it's good that i'm here. maybe being here can help me better brace myself for this next phase. maybe this program will help to allay some of my fears. i have a feeling that i'll learn more than science during this six weeks. so even though i'm nervous, i'm hopeful, ready to apply myself, ready to commit to memory as much organic chemistry as humanly possible. i won't let fear immobilize me.