kai xing shu (happy tree)

autumn here is nothing short of beautiful.  the weather can't decide its mood, but the trees never seem to notice.

i still remember senior year, when anna, lauren, and i named the sapling outside our latin class window.  we named it  kai xing shu (happy tree) because looking at it cheered everyone up.

it's been a while since i thought about it, but just recently i found kai xing shu again.

there's a huge tree not too far from winthrop house, whose leaves have all turned a splendid gold.  i walk under it almost every morning on my way to my hectic life.  but i always have to stop (rather, slow my pace) and look up.

because looking at those branches stretch to the sky, looking at the showers of richly colored leaves...is like looking up at pure happiness.

i'm yours--segway into a daydream

when "i'm yours" came on my ipod earlier, i started thinking about him.  i had the perfect daydream, and a couple that were hazy.

it's been said that we'd make a great couple.  as much as i try to push the possible false hope out of my mind, i find...that i really don't want to do that at all.

what i want to do is walk with him, hands tangled together in a lazy, carefree way. humming a two-part harmony on jason mraz in harvard square.

Dryspell--Writer's Block Revisited

so i wrote this back in April, but since this morning was the first time in a month that i finished a good poem, i thought i'd share how that process begins...

i'm sitting here, poised for poetry. i have a song on repeat as usual. this time, it's "merry christmas, mr. lawrence--fyi" from utada's new album (shameless plug). i've listened to this song so much i think the other songs on my playlists are getting jealous. that's the first sign of a visit from the usual muse. i can't focus. that's the second sign. i feel strangely full but unsatisfied, as if the only metaphorical food that will fill me is poetry and the only way to get that food is to empty my soul of all emotion that i feel. that's the third sign, arguably the most important.

somehow...although all of the pieces are in place, the puzzle isn't together. i haven't written a poem in a month, but it feels like even longer than that. and it's not like i have nothing to write about. i'm surrounded by things to say, words to combine, secrets to convey in vague and cryptic ways, people to immortalize in verse. i'm having trouble figuring out what to say even here.

the well has run dry. no ink spills from my pen. my heart prays for the sky to change, for rain to release everything that i feel. but so far...there's not a cloud in the sky.

Ars Gratia

sleepless

you notice
beautiful shadows
in the dark

you feel
compelled to
capture them

although every stroke
of the pencil
severs

what was once
mended.

you
can’t stop
the paper cries
for more attention.

helpless
you give
everything

hoping
it’s enough.

but it never is.

you realize
this as
the phantoms
form shapes
on the page.

and now
there are
tear stains
on your masterpiece

そせい Sosei (resurrection)

i seek a savior
for my poor poetic soul;
it's become quite still.

Notes from Toah Nipi, #3

October 4, 2009

Ephesians 3:14-15: "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named."

God is our Father. He knows us, cares about us, and wants to provide for us and help us.

No matter what happens, no matter who decides that I don't belong with them, I have a place in the universe. I am defined by God, no longer just a number or a pointless construction of molecules. I have definition, meaning, significance, value. 

Notes from Toah Nipi, #2

October 3, 2009

~Interpreting Psalm 46~

there is no reason to be pessimistic about anything life throws out. we don't even have to be on the offensive, trying so hard to take matters into our own hands.

God is our refuge.

not to say that we should hide from our problems, but to say that it isn't our job to fight this battle. while we are safe in the city of God, our battles are being taken care of. the war may last our entire lives, but we know what the end is going to be, so there is no need to worry.

soon, God will take care of all of the elements of spiritual and physical warfare. all we have to do is wait behind the gates of the city, knowing that He will come through.

Notes from Toah Nipi, #1

October 2, 2009

The first thing I noticed on the way here was color. On the left, shocks of gold distract me from my reading, and reds call to me from the right. The leaves are changing.

This place looks so easygoing. Like if it weren't cold outside, people would stand on their porches and admire the foliage.

The changing of the seasons is not a hectic process. The trees don't consult calendars, looking for the deadline to shed their leaves. They just do. And all their work gets done.

It's all the more beautiful that way.