Wednesday, June 8, 2011

cause baby you're my disease...

i wrote this back in January, intending to post it at that moment, but then i decided it wasn't a good idea.  as i sat here editing this disclaimer, playing with syntax and punctuation, i was still ambivalent about publishing my thoughts--although i appreciate vulnerability, honesty, and openness, it's still hard for me to embody those qualities sometimes.  it's like giving you x-ray vision for the distinct purpose of using it on me, letting you see everything i am in one glance.  but i digress.

i think we sometimes put a specific face on addiction.

we think city kids are more susceptible to it; Mr./Ms. Suburbia would never do such a thing.

we think it’s for the lonely middle-aged man and the struggling young starlet.

to be honest, though…no one is immune.

i think we all struggle with things, and sometimes we go so far as to let them control us.

it’s the substance we feel like we can’t do without.  it’s the boy or the girl who we feel is our world.  it’s the thought we entertain constantly, waiting in helpless agony for the day that our brains will finally crack and we’ll make everything public in an embarrassing fashion.  it’s the thing we do in private, that we don’t want anyone to know about, not even the people who can probably help us.  the thing that we’re too ashamed to mention by name.

we all have skeletons lurking in our closets, waiting for us to acknowledge their existence so that maybe they can eat us alive,  jump on our backs, make us feel dependent, before we decide to take action.

we all wrestle with something, whether we know it or not.  and a lot of times, we are the very thing we are fighting against. 

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