open.

Write the damage down—

Don't hold back.

Replay every permutation of no,

All the diminished returns,

Each day that called you an option.

Realize it's a lot safer inside your own head—

At least for now,

Perhaps forever.

Unhook your heart from your sleeve;

Place it back in your chest

Where it's warm and no one can crush it.

Make a new mantra of self-preservation

And scream it to yourself through your tears.

Just remember to lock the door when you're done,

Or history will repeat itself—

More patterns will weave their way inside,

And before you even know what's happened,

You'll have more damage to write down.

12/13/15

guarded.

show me how you built them.
i won’t ask you
                          to guide my hands.
feel free to just rattle off words,
syllable by syllable,  
                                brick by brick.
it’s okay to be quick.
i’m a fast learner with a long way to go.
you’ve got walls,
                             i want a fortress.
(considering castles, a moat maybe)
but it’s okay to start small.  i just know that
no one needs in here anymore.

tell me about your armor.
you can hold me
                            at arm’s length if you want to.
i understand it’s easier.
i seem to like the hard way.
charge into battle
                              heart first, headstrong, no helmet.
i can’t be that afraid of getting hurt.
(but God does it hurt)
so maybe it’s time to defend myself.  after all,

i’m not beautiful enough to break you.

幽霊睡眠 (Yuurei Suimin, Haunted Sleep)

Consider my luck:

All of my dreams and nightmares

Seem to feature you.

Poison

I posted about this song several years ago (see here, see here), but I just realized I never posted the lyrics when I finished the song.

verse 1

well, they told me admitting it is half the battle

so imma step up on my soapbox and give you all a piece of my mind

tell you my name and spin you a tale

of how i’m probably an addict, and i think that i’m dying from it.

i have these dreams, or maybe they’re nightmares

about the day that we crossed paths and how

i haven’t been the same since

and now staying and leaving, they both seem like suicide

chorus (2x):

it seems i can’t shake you

deep down i know i need to

even still, i don’t care

i guess i’ll die by your poison

verse 2

well, now i’m in my bed but hardly sleeping

see i know i shouldn’t miss you but it’s all i really want to do

i didn’t know i had fallen so far

is this pleasure or pain, cause i can’t seem to distinguish the two

my brain's a fog and my hands won’t stop shaking

i guess this is my version of withdrawal

but i don’t think that i can sober up

at the rate that i’m going, I'll be gone tomorrow

(chorus)

(don't have a title for this right now)

you recover.

you breathe, stretch.
you somehow stand up.
you find the muscles for a smile again.
you laugh a little too loudly and hug a little too long.
you keep breathing.
you have some tea.
you do a few chores.
you downward dog.
you dance a little.
you realize the pain wasn’t enough to kill you so
you keep going.
you know it won’t be the last time but
you let the thought pass.
you look forward to tomorrow.

you recover.