Tuesday, May 26, 2009

centennial (posted to Facebook on 9/3/08)

so...it's my 100th facebook note, and i wanted to write something special. something witty and yet somehow relevant to at least one person. you know, some drawn out ranting about penguins, RPGs, the stock market, crushes, happy trees, and everything in between.

well, i have only one thing to say: if you were expecting something along those lines, i apologize. i'm only human. i'd like to satisfy you. but at the moment, the lysol my mom sprayed in this hotel room i'm staying in for the night is dancing the tango with my cerebrum. all i can think about is how slow the internet is here, how i'm mad that i left Wizard and Glass in the van (stephen king rocks my $11 socks, nuff said), how awesome Lupe Fiasco really is (i knew it but i didn't really), how i'm going to college (HARVARD) in just a few days.

i think i cited in my facebook status not too long ago that i don't feel 17 anymore. it's funny...every birthday, my dad would ask me, "so, how does (insert new age here) feel?" and i would reply, "it doesn't feel any different."

but now that i've wrapped up one of the most eventful and most independent summers i've ever had, now that i've gone without my parents to another country, now that i've participated in my first ever competition a scant three weeks or so after that back in the States, now that i've written out my first check and paid for my own laptop, and (on a lighter note) now that i've been on facebook long enough to have a centennial note--a birthday in itself, in a sense--this does feel different. you're probably thinking, 'well, of course, einstein, you ARE going to college, and in a whole different region of the United States at that!' but that's not exactly where i was going with this, thank you very much. you see, a lot of people get into college thinking about all the parties they're going to go to, all the liberties they'll get to take now that parents are miles away and the professors don't call roll, all the things they couldn't do while they were confined to the high school code of starched collared shirts and daily metal detector checks. and i'll admit to you, i'm thinking the same things. but i've also been doing a lot of thinking about my future career path, my concentration, my long term goals. those can't be acheived at 1 am when you're dancing to "pop, lock, and drop it" in front of some dude you don't know (more on that never). the fact that i'm not thinking about being away from anyone, that i haven't argued with my parents about joining KeyChange, taking tae kwon do, or finding a boyfriend, that i'm no longer complaining as much about writing essays...all of those things show me that deep inside, 17 isn't all that i am. i've been looked at as the runt and the youngin for a long time now, but it's no longer something that annoys me. because i don't feel it anymore.

i guess i've said all that to say this: life is starting to change. change is a word that's been thrown around by the democrats and republicans for all of a long time now, a word that's used by self-help books and self-proclaimed dr. phils from sea to shining sea. to me, it's more than just a word. a lot more. it's an open door, the key to success, the holy grail, the meaning of life, a blessing, a curse, a destiny, it's everything.

i know i'm not the only one who feels the wind blowing in a different direction of late. it's more than just fall coming; it's our cue to move forward, despite whatever mystery lies ahead. only then can we come into our purpose. i think i may finally be ready to do that.

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