this is not drug-induced rambling, i assure you (posted to Facebook on 8/22/08)

so i'm sitting here, day 2 after my surgery, and i'm trying to figure out why in the world they call them wisdom teeth. they don't make you any wiser, they just hurt. imagine coming home from the oral surgeon's office in pain so intense it consumes you. it's all you can think about. in fact, it's the only proof you have that the surgery actually happened.

there's a reason why i say that. i remember being led into an austere room on wednesday afternoon, being hooked up to monitors, having my blood pressure taken, getting an IV hooked up to me. i was nervous as all get-out. i had no idea how much the process itself was going to hurt; i have a low pain tolerance. so i closed my eyes and tried to relax. the beeping of the machines drowned out the crappy "waiting room music" i had been aimlessly tapping my foot to. the doctor told me, "it may take a few minutes for the medicine to kick in."

the next thing i knew, i was sitting in a completely different room with a wheelchair next to me and gauze in my mouth. it was like one of those movies where the doctors drug you and do unauthorized experiments and things, and you wake up having no idea what just went on...except i wasn't bound and gagged, and the room was well-lit. and i got to go home. i don't think that happens in horror movies.

everyone says the meds they put you on are pretty amazing. but i have to disagree. "amazing meds" would knock me and my pain straight out and have me sweet-dreaming. it didn't exactly happen that way. one of the medicines made me feel pukey, if such a word exists. and take right now for example. my teeth are throbbing out the rhythm of "nichinichiso" by bonnie pink, and i definitely just took some ibuprofen.

but i will admit...i have had a lot of ice cream. getting your wisdom teeth taken out leads to what may be one of the best diet plans ever. think about it: eat as much apple sauce and oatmeal as you want, and eat loads of ice cream. what health plan that you know of lets you eat all kinds of ice cream? i mean, i've probably consumed only like 2,000 calories in 3 days. and your stomach doesn't growl, and you don't really feel hungry...because you've got other problems on your mind.

i do have to say that i still have to count my blessings. there are people out there who don't even have teeth. at least i have some, even if they hurt, right? i mean...it's true. i'm learning not to take things for granted. just last week i could chew. now i eat like i'm on a gerber commercial.so in the end, maybe wisdom teeth do make you wise in some respects. we may never know for sure...